Another phase

I just read my last blog post and was tickled by how resolute I was about writing regularly. Now that it is 7 months later, I thought I'd post again :)

Life has changed a lot since the last post. Things at the Montessori school I was working at went south when my boss realized I was a strong person. She fired me on a pathetic excuse, but I am happier (MUCH happier, like not-suffering-from-depression-anymore happier) now that I am not working with her. She is one of those people that needs everything done exactly her way. Down to the last crumb and iota. Came down to me wanting to stay home with Adrian when he was puking and she wanted me to bring him to school and let him lay in the corner and puke in a bucket so she wouldn't have to call a sub for me.
I said no.
She said "you're done."
 Guess she still had to call a sub.

SO, then I decided to homeschool the boys for the rest of the school year. I set up a Montessori classroom in our basement and it has been awesome. My mom has leant me a lot of her materials.

Then on March 19th (a few weeks after being fired), I came up with this harebrained idea to try going to business school. Yeah, for my MBA. I figure it's a really good way to get from where I am to where I want to be with my career. More on that to come :) That night I attended a recruiting meeting at BYU to see if it really was what I wanted. It was sorta intimidating, but exciting, too. After the meeting there was a networking session with current students and I got to ask a bunch of questions.

The following weekend I went to Michigan for my sister's Masters recital. It was soooo wonderful to see her, and I got to celebrate Josef's 8th birthday while I was there, too. I brought my GMAT study materials with me and hit the books during the plane ride back to Utah.

Since then my life has been one constant steam of freaking out (tears and all) and studying. On April 3, I went to BYU to have a meeting with the recruitment guy. I had some questions I wanted to ask him. He gave me a little interview and said that I interviewed really well. He asked me to send him my GMAT scores as soon as I got them and made some notes on my online application. He asked me what my practice test score was and I told him it was a 580. He said that comparatively that wasn't bad at all for an initial score. I was all excited. Until I went home and looked it up and it was actually a 540. Darn it.

So 14 days of insane studying and my children living at Grandma and Grandpa's house almost every day and my score is up to 610. My house looks like some backward hicks from the Bayou live here, but I can remedy that after the GMAT. My score is still pretty low, but considering the time it took me to bring it up from a 540, it is pretty much miraculous. Not just saying that. It really is miraculous.

One thing has kept me propelled though all the emotional drama that has been plaguing me since deciding to apply for the MBA. Heavenly Father's support. Whenever I doubt my sanity, abilities, or capacity I feel an instant reassurance that I am doing the right thing. That has meant so much. Honestly, His approval of this choice is the only thing that has helped me to pull through my self doubt. I pray everyday for his help opening my mind and my expanding my intellect. I cannot do more that I am able and many days I feel like I just don't have the brain power. I know I am smart...but THAT smart? One time I was upset because I felt inadequate to the task and I got a sweet reminder that I can hang with the big kids at Cambridge, Harvard, and even at the BYU Business school. I think that in an effort to be humble I have convinced myself that the only reason I succeeded at Cambridge and Harvard was because my teachers were being nice or wanted to give me an A just so they'd look like good teachers. Heavenly Father helped me realize that that isn't true and that I do have the intellect to do this stuff.


I never pegged myself out as someone who would want to get an MBA. As a matter of fact, most of my life I have been totally opposed to the idea because my Dad wanted me to do it. I have never wanted to get a degree in medicine, engineering, law, or business because I am such a creatively focused person. I love art so much and want to do it as my career my whole life. It finally occurred to me that getting an MBA to support my art career might be a great idea. I passed it by my mentor and he fully supported me (more than when I proposed getting an MFA!). I really hope I get in. Honestly I will be stunned if I don't. Not because I don't think it's a possibility (because it's gonna be a freakin' miracle if I DO get in), but because I have felt so spiritually driven to do this. The other day I was driving down the road and it occurred to me that I might need a Plan B. What if I don't get in? I just decided to not worry about Plan B unless I am rejected. THEN I'll have my "Now what?" moment. But I think if that does happen, Heavenly Father will help me sort it out. I am so grateful He is there for me, it would be so tough to bumble though life without his approval or help when I get stuck.

So I am taking my test tomorrow morning. I really hope I get in the 600s. The guy at BYU said their average is a 670...that's more like the score they are looking for on my application. It won't be a 670, most likely, but I just want it to be in the 600s. So pray for me. Here's to hoping. If I get in, I'll be writing a book called, "How to (barely) get in to an MBA program in 14 days." Thanks Mom and Dad for being surrogate parents to my kids these last few weeks!